Part XIII

The girls all say yes so I excuse myself. I can hear some conversation resume as I leave. I return with a tray of tea and all the fixings. Pouring the tea I say," So I was hearing you tell me that you tried to share your feelings with Brice but he didn't understand." Toni nods," Yeah , he didn't get it at all. Now he's hardly talking to me, I don't even know if we're still "together", as lame as that sounds. I really do love Brice. I don't know what to do." I set my cup down. "Wow, I can see why you're feeling confused. That's a really tough situation." Praying again for wisdom I ponder how to respond to her story. Her eyes are full of questions and concerns and I truly feel for her. "Have you assured Brice that you do love him?" I ask finally. She shakes her head,"I tried, but I don't know if he even heard me." Toni sighs.I wonder and ask " What do you think bothered him the most?" She looks out the window for a minute,"I think it was the fact that I was questioning how we had been living. I think he translated it as me not wanting to continue our relationship." Toni looks back at me again and at her friends. Its obvious too me that this is a smart girl. She isn't dizzy or flighty like a lot of the college girls. I realize that this is probably because the Lord has come into her life in a powerful way. "I don't think he loves me anymore." Toni begins again with a tear in her eye."You don't think he loves you any more." I restate to be sure she really believes this. " No , I mean he doesn't even talk to me." she sighs. " Well, the first thing I would do is pray about this. A very wise lady who had a great impact on my life used to always say ,"Pray, first of all". And don't drop communication. Maybe you should just tell him that you want to continue the relationship if you do. Do you?" I think I already know the answer, but I don't want to speak for her. She thinks for a second looking slightly ashamed,"Yeah, but I would want it to be different." "Well, just be honest with him and tell him that. Even if he doesn't like it at least you'll have done your best to help him understand. And, if he really loves you don't you think he'll respect your feelings?" Toni smiles a little and shrugs,"He should." I smile and say" I know this is really hard, believe me I do, but it might take him a little while to get used to the new Toni.Give him a little time." "Yeah, I guess your'e right. I've just never felt like this before. I have never had this inner turmoil and conflict before. You know, I mean, on one hand I want to just do whatever it takes to make Brice happy, but on the other hand I want to live like Jesus says in the Bible. I guess that makes me a lousy person." She looks around at us as if to receive our judgement.I look her right in the eyes. " Toni, that makes you flesh and blood, just like the rest of us here. That conflict you are feeling is a good thing. It means that the Holy Spirit is moving in your heart. Before you became a Christian would you have ever given your life style choices a second thought?" She looks relieved,"No, I wouldn't. I haven't really made a commitment yet, about being a Christian I mean... I don't know why, but I just haven't said it out loud." I can feel the very presence of God,surrounding the four of us. Cassie smiles at me." What's stopping you? Why not say it right here and now with your friends right beside you." By this time tears are running down Toni's face. I know right now that this has nothing to do with me or Cassie or Julia, but that God has moved her heart to himself. "Can we pray together?" She says glancing around at us. We all nod and say yes. Julia begins, Lord, we just thank you for Toni and we thank you for drawing her to yourself, we just ask that you draw her even closer, and give her wisdom in the difficult situation with Brice. I pray that you would draw him too Lord... Then Cassie begins, Father I thank you so much for my friend Toni and thank you that we have an even stronger bond now in You. Please help her and give her peace in Yourself. Finally, Toni in a quaking voice says, Lord, Thank you for dying in my place and even though I don't understand it all perfectly I know that you love me and that I want to do what You say. I know that I'm a sinner and I want you to save me. Thank You Jesus, Amen." We all look up smiling and teary. A group hug is in order.